Many people have come to the conclusion lately that my roommate and I are lesbians. Not only do many of our friends and family believe that we are lesbians but we are in a lesbian relationship with each other. This theory is both humorous and offensive to the two of us.
Instead of being understanding and compassionate to the fact that we are unlucky in love and frustratingly single and lacking in social graces, we are merely written off as lesbians who will not openly admit to it. Believe you me, if I were a lesbian, I would be dating women rather than the loser men that I've been known to date in my not so distant past. I wouldn't be hiding it from my family and I wouldn't be living in a two bedroom two story town house. I'd be shacking up with my lesbian partner instead of doing all I can to get my own personal space.
Sure we spend a lot of time together. Sure we are very similar in personality and style. But being single in your mid twenties does not equal LESBIANZZZ. It more or less probably equals ugly loser. But that is a different topic.
For Halloween I am dressing up as a victorian ghost for my job. I work at the French Legation Museum in Austin, Texas and I am supposed to be one of the deceased Robertson daughters. My roommate and I bought four vintage wedding dresses over the summer. Our intention was to resell them but we haven't yet had the heart to list them. They are in perfect condition and we are probably going to ruin them Halloween night but Jenifer has volunteered to be a ghost with me, so we will take our chances. Jenifer being a history major and me (Emily) being an art history major, we have been taking this costume a little too far. We already had the dresses for the part but we have been researching the victorian hairstyles and are really excited about the hair more than anything. Which leads me to case one in which we appear to be lesbians.
Monday night I get home from work and start talking to Jenifer about hairstyles. This is about ten pm. We then spend about four more hours talking and researching hairstyles until about three am when we start playing beauty parlour. This does in fact break our "no touching" rule. We are both very anti-social and anti-touching and it was quite odd to "play with each others' hair". I assume most girls do this frequently but for us it was strange and we both had to document the occasion on our facebook profiles.
Case two came the next evening when I realized my ribcage was abnormally HUGE and I could not zip any of our vintage wedding dresses up over my beast of a ribcage. We then became pseudo lesbians as we spent the entire evening trying on different bras with each dress trying to figure out how to still breath and walk and move in these horrid vintage styles and if we could hide the gaping, unzipped hole in the back of my dress with shawls, tank tops, etc. Just picture two single women on a Tuesday night in vintage wedding dresses. Also picture the two cats that kept jumping on the dresses, mesmerized by the excess fabric, trains, tulle, and lace. Great, not only do we spend entire evenings braiding each other's hair, but we spend evenings prancing around in fluffy white gowns shooing our cats away.
Case three. Wednesday night, we decided to visit a local vintage/costume shop that has "everything". I tried on six victorian style white dresses while Jenifer waited patiently outside to tell me what she thought. Until I got stuck in one. I tried on the most beautiful gibson girl style white dress that I KNEW would not fit me. I pulled it over my head and proceeded to shove my arms into the TINY arm holes. It was a bad idea from the start but I was desperate and I wanted this dress to be the one even if I had to walk out in it, pay for it while wearing it, and sleep in it until Friday night. BAD IDEA. I had to tell my roommate quietly and secretly that I was stuck and she had to help me, dying of laughter for about ten minutes to get out of it. We had to quietly rip the zipper in order to do so, but the worst part was my roommate having to see me naked. I've never felt so fat and hideous and awkward in all my life.
So all you out there cracking jokes about what a lesbian I am, I guess you were right. For this week, I have spent naked with my roommate braiding each others' hair until we decided to wear white wedding gowns and play with our cat children. We may not be true lesbians but we are sad and creepy :(
That was my week. Pictures of me as a Victorian ghost to follow.
**Since this is a sensitive subject I'm including a disclaimer. I have nothing against lesbians and neither does my roommate. I have everything against the ignorance with which people label sexuality in our modern day. I honestly mean to poke fun at myself and my roommate when we put ourselves in the position to be labeled lesbians. Since we are not lesbians, it makes it even funnier (to us at least). Also it goes without saying that since we think it's funny, we often go out of our way to broadcast moments in our daily lives that we successfully come across as especially lesbian. We have pet names for each other and all. /disclaimer**